I have to figure out why. Why I am still thinking of MT. Why I am still relating him to current days. I have counted the days for so long but if you asked me right now how many days it's been I couldn't tell you. I think that's a great first step. Of course in a minute/two I'm going to whip out the Crackberry and count the days from my 73 days post but still. I don't know it as I did on that post day.
Why do some people have such a large impact in our lives? Has he on me all because of love? I'm scared to death of love. That's why I was surprised I even let him. It was something about him. The walls came crashing down as if a bulldozer just kept hitting and hitting till there was no more walls left. But now. The walls aren't exactly up again but they aren't exactly non-existent anymore. I don't like to think I have any walls. I don't want to have them. But the minute I think of those emotions of falling love and even lust my heart beats super fast, my mind races and I just tell myself to stop.
I have to stop telling myself to stop.
Inhale. Exhale.
I'm getting all of these thoughts out now so that I can go back in reference and actually answer them. I want to know the answers. I want to have every answer to every question. Even if it's not the "correct" answer. IF it can help make sense of anything it will me make that next step down the path.
My mind is all over the place. Sorry.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Confused
Okay. My first approch is to bullet each thought. I close my eyes and type, excuse the typos, I told you this was going to be honest:
Now to move on to what my biggest issue is. I will be helping a customer, drinking with a friend, driving, laying in my bed, watching a reality tv. Basically just living life and then all of a sudden an image will pop in my head. Again, eyes closed, here are some:
Just got an FB chat from G. He's a good guy. I'm distracted now.
Those were very honest thoughts and I'm nervous about posting. But here we go.
xoxo
- Hope
- Lost
- Sad
- Love
- Why?
- Anger
- Confused
- Anxit (sans typo: Anxiety)
- ain (sans typo: Pain)
- torture
- Heartache
Now to move on to what my biggest issue is. I will be helping a customer, drinking with a friend, driving, laying in my bed, watching a reality tv. Basically just living life and then all of a sudden an image will pop in my head. Again, eyes closed, here are some:
- MT will be waiting for me an my apt when I get home.
- I will run into MT nex ttime I'm visiting NYC.
- MT will ask to have me back and I'll say no.
- MT ill next see me when I'm happpy with my next boyfriend (hopefully C)
- Oh no, I am picturing C and I being together.
- I See us traveling and laughing.
- Just pictured MT walking from where the bus stops on 34th St. and 7th Ave (okay I peeked to type the correct numbers).
- Just pictured on eone of our many mornings taking the ferry from NJ oer to NYC and then the bus to the same bus stop. We would walk get off at the bus top prior to the 34th/7th ave stop (okay peekedagain) and walk on opposite sides of the street bc nobody we worked with was a llowed to know we were togethr.
- they weren't allowed toknow we were in love.
- Image of when thefollowing day after I told mt i was moving. I asked him to take me out the following night to celebrate he said no bc he already had plans. When I sawhim that following day I had never given him a meaner look on the sales floor and didn't care who saw.
- Crying outside of his house in Fort Lee.
- Sigh. C.
- Sigh. My friends in VA.
- Arlo & Esme with M...sad.
Just got an FB chat from G. He's a good guy. I'm distracted now.
Those were very honest thoughts and I'm nervous about posting. But here we go.
xoxo
Challenge
I had a somewhat of an epiphany Sunday/Monday-ish. If it's somewhat of an epiphany I guess it's not an epiphany huh? Well I had a great weekend with C but MT came up with a lot of my thoughts and emotions. For the next few days I'm going to focus on the initiation of my journey to get over him and really analyze the thoughts, emotions and mass confusion that comes up. I think that will be the most healthy thing so that my next move is tres honest and true to myself. That's what anybody in my life deserves, as goes for the people in yours. If you're not honest with yourself you will not be able to be honest with others. Whether it's family, friends, boyfriends, colleagues, bosses or strangers. We owe it to ourselves to really dive DEEP down into what is making us- US!
This is going to be difficult and I can see me leading away from the path I have now set foot on BUT that's what life is about. Challenges and arising to each and every one with strength, hope and courage.
So let's go!!
xoxo
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Great Expectations
Spoke with R and B yesterday.
I definitely am not into B. He is completely dense! If there's an awkward silence (aka pause on AIM) 7 minutes will go by and he'll write, "the weather's nice outside." I DON'T EVEN RESPOND to such boring and did I say boring? comments. 5 minutes later, "I think I'm going to go for a run tonight". Okayyyy do you want a freakin' medal?! Congratulations! 5 minutes pass again, "I ran 8 miles yesterday." WTF dude?! Oop! Connection lost, such a shame.
My guard sure is up about R, I told you all how S found out he's "sketchy from girls" right? Aka he sleeps around if he wants to!! Sorry buddy I already have my sleeping partner that's not going to happen. However! He did FB chat with me yesterday to make sure I was going to be at his friend's/roommate's graduation party tonight.
R: Are u coming to _____'s thing on Sat?
K: S JUST called me and told me about it. Yea we're all gonna go.
R: okay cool, we're playing
K: That's good. Hopefully you'll actually have some time to talk to me.
R: Probably
K: Rude!
R: Not probably, definitely!
K: Okay, well I'm off to Girl's Night have a good one!
R: Take care, see you Sat :-)
There was some other talk about my watching Twilight while FB chatting him and talking to S on the phone but I don't wanna bore y'all!
After some more FB chatting, sans C, tear. I took a nap and then showered to go over to A's. We drank red wine and dished about our weeks. She: ex boyfriend started dating some UGLYYY maybe a woman, it's her last official week at her job and convos with Tropicana R. Me: work didn't pay me on the 15th, R, C, B and what to wear for our friend's wedding next weekend. I actually have both of my dresses and WILL NOT be purchasing, ironically, that's a good feeling. Who woulda thought?!
While we're dishing C's roomie called and my new Chrisette Michele ringtone came up:
"So I think I'm just about over being your girlfriend ( your girlfriend) I'm leaving, (I’m leaving) I'm leaving No more wonderin what you've been doin Where you been sleeping "
I pick up.
K: Hola! como estas?!
C's roomie: What are you up to?
K: Just at A's getting ready to leave soon.
C's roomie: Ahh I see, I'm leaving ________'s and trying to figure out what to do next?
K: Let's go see ____ at _____ in Georgetown?!
C's roomie: Sounds great but I can't drive.
K: I'll drive.
C's roomie: Yeah but if we see ___ you will not be able to drive home. So you can leave your car at our place and we can take a cab back.
(See we're responsible!)
K: OK, Sounds good. We'll see you in a bit.
A and I go over to the boys' place. He's giving A a tour of the house when he tells me C got too fucked up and is sleeping downstairs. So I run downstairs and hop into bed with him. He holds me tight and we make out for a bit. I cut it off to get back to the other two and go into the city. They let me know my fly was undone. Woopsies!!
We head to Georgetown and have a great time. Lots of laughing and I got hit on by a pretty sexy black man. Yum Yum Yum. I only had 2 beers and 2 ginger ales after our bartender friend questioned if I was okay or not. By 3 o'clock we were ready to leave. I drop A off at home while C's roomie is passed out snoring on beat to Kanye's Amazing while I drive us back to his place.
I originally was not planning on staying over so I didn't go through the downstairs door of their house (that's where C hangs out), instead the front door. I guess he heard us and came upstairs. I found this out when I went to the kitchen to get his roomie some water to drink before bed and when he woke up the next am. C was standing right there in the kitchen! He came upstairs just for me :-)
We kissed and he convinced me to stay over. Let me tell you, we didn't go to bed until 5:30-6, basically it was light out already but we didn't care. We played in bed for hours and after we were still wide awake. So we sat there, naked, smoked a bowl, shared some crazy stories and passed out together in bed. I don't know what it is but I feel so good when I'm wrapped in his arms and sleeping. We can't stop kissing one another when we're together. It's seriously like we're 15. I've never made out with someone so much in my life I don't think.
However, just like being 15 and I'm becoming totally smitten. This flashes danger signs and lights right in my face but I can't help it. I picture us doing boyfriend/girlfriend things one day and just being two very happy people together. I don't see why not. We call each other out, we are completely sexually charged together, we laugh nonstop and are extremely light-hearted when we're together. It's one of those things where people may not see it but when it's just us it's just easy. I don't think that happens often. But, I keep reminding myself to have no expectations. Maybe a few can't hurt.
I mean, Pip got his way in the end, right?
And now I'm at work. After 3 hours of sleep. I'm here working. Sigh.
xoxo
I definitely am not into B. He is completely dense! If there's an awkward silence (aka pause on AIM) 7 minutes will go by and he'll write, "the weather's nice outside." I DON'T EVEN RESPOND to such boring and did I say boring? comments. 5 minutes later, "I think I'm going to go for a run tonight". Okayyyy do you want a freakin' medal?! Congratulations! 5 minutes pass again, "I ran 8 miles yesterday." WTF dude?! Oop! Connection lost, such a shame.
My guard sure is up about R, I told you all how S found out he's "sketchy from girls" right? Aka he sleeps around if he wants to!! Sorry buddy I already have my sleeping partner that's not going to happen. However! He did FB chat with me yesterday to make sure I was going to be at his friend's/roommate's graduation party tonight.
R: Are u coming to _____'s thing on Sat?
K: S JUST called me and told me about it. Yea we're all gonna go.
R: okay cool, we're playing
K: That's good. Hopefully you'll actually have some time to talk to me.
R: Probably
K: Rude!
R: Not probably, definitely!
K: Okay, well I'm off to Girl's Night have a good one!
R: Take care, see you Sat :-)
There was some other talk about my watching Twilight while FB chatting him and talking to S on the phone but I don't wanna bore y'all!
After some more FB chatting, sans C, tear. I took a nap and then showered to go over to A's. We drank red wine and dished about our weeks. She: ex boyfriend started dating some UGLYYY maybe a woman, it's her last official week at her job and convos with Tropicana R. Me: work didn't pay me on the 15th, R, C, B and what to wear for our friend's wedding next weekend. I actually have both of my dresses and WILL NOT be purchasing, ironically, that's a good feeling. Who woulda thought?!
While we're dishing C's roomie called and my new Chrisette Michele ringtone came up:
"So I think I'm just about over being your girlfriend ( your girlfriend) I'm leaving, (I’m leaving) I'm leaving No more wonderin what you've been doin Where you been sleeping "
I pick up.
K: Hola! como estas?!
C's roomie: What are you up to?
K: Just at A's getting ready to leave soon.
C's roomie: Ahh I see, I'm leaving ________'s and trying to figure out what to do next?
K: Let's go see ____ at _____ in Georgetown?!
C's roomie: Sounds great but I can't drive.
K: I'll drive.
C's roomie: Yeah but if we see ___ you will not be able to drive home. So you can leave your car at our place and we can take a cab back.
(See we're responsible!)
K: OK, Sounds good. We'll see you in a bit.
A and I go over to the boys' place. He's giving A a tour of the house when he tells me C got too fucked up and is sleeping downstairs. So I run downstairs and hop into bed with him. He holds me tight and we make out for a bit. I cut it off to get back to the other two and go into the city. They let me know my fly was undone. Woopsies!!
We head to Georgetown and have a great time. Lots of laughing and I got hit on by a pretty sexy black man. Yum Yum Yum. I only had 2 beers and 2 ginger ales after our bartender friend questioned if I was okay or not. By 3 o'clock we were ready to leave. I drop A off at home while C's roomie is passed out snoring on beat to Kanye's Amazing while I drive us back to his place.
I originally was not planning on staying over so I didn't go through the downstairs door of their house (that's where C hangs out), instead the front door. I guess he heard us and came upstairs. I found this out when I went to the kitchen to get his roomie some water to drink before bed and when he woke up the next am. C was standing right there in the kitchen! He came upstairs just for me :-)
We kissed and he convinced me to stay over. Let me tell you, we didn't go to bed until 5:30-6, basically it was light out already but we didn't care. We played in bed for hours and after we were still wide awake. So we sat there, naked, smoked a bowl, shared some crazy stories and passed out together in bed. I don't know what it is but I feel so good when I'm wrapped in his arms and sleeping. We can't stop kissing one another when we're together. It's seriously like we're 15. I've never made out with someone so much in my life I don't think.
However, just like being 15 and I'm becoming totally smitten. This flashes danger signs and lights right in my face but I can't help it. I picture us doing boyfriend/girlfriend things one day and just being two very happy people together. I don't see why not. We call each other out, we are completely sexually charged together, we laugh nonstop and are extremely light-hearted when we're together. It's one of those things where people may not see it but when it's just us it's just easy. I don't think that happens often. But, I keep reminding myself to have no expectations. Maybe a few can't hurt.
I mean, Pip got his way in the end, right?
And now I'm at work. After 3 hours of sleep. I'm here working. Sigh.
xoxo
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
But You Say He's Just A Friend..
All of this confusion really kicked in after Monday night. I got wasted, like I mean bombed. I had Tuesday off and I was out with C's roomie at the Will.I.Am concert at a local bar/club in NoVa. I know random right?! Will is endorsing one of the the guys running for the Virginia Governor primary so he and Biz Markie, who*ah-hem* I ran into downstairs all alone and he touched my arm and called me honey. Oh baby youuuu, you got what I neeeedddd, but you say he's just a friend. This was after about 3 stoli raz & gingers,which did not have enouogh vodka in them and when I asked the bartender for more he was tacky about it:
K: Hi, excuse me can I have some more stoli raz in here please?
Bartender: (Takes 2 straws stirs them around my drink, places his index finger over top of straws and tastes the bottom) Absolutley NOT! There's more than enough in here.
K: Well I don't think so but there was no reason to be rude about it!!
Definitely didn't go back to him for the rest of the night AND I took my tip off of the table.
K: Hi, excuse me can I have some more stoli raz in here please?
Bartender: (Takes 2 straws stirs them around my drink, places his index finger over top of straws and tastes the bottom) Absolutley NOT! There's more than enough in here.
K: Well I don't think so but there was no reason to be rude about it!!
Definitely didn't go back to him for the rest of the night AND I took my tip off of the table.
I go back to C's roomie.
K: Hi!
C's roomie: Hey
K: The bartender wouldn't give me more vodka!
C's roomie: (LOLs) You're crazy
K: Hi!
C's roomie: Hey
K: The bartender wouldn't give me more vodka!
C's roomie: (LOLs) You're crazy
The song that came on reminded me of MT's niece. So I shared the story with C's roomie.
C's roomie: You're still in love with him.
K: Oh! Without a doubt!
C's roomie: Interesting.
We've always been close and he reminds me that C is just a hook up, rather I remind him that so he doesn't start to think that I actually like C. You can never let boys know the truth espeically when it's about their own friends. C's roomie's loyalty is with C not me. So I let him know when I go on dates, who I think is cute and the stupid shit I do for boys' attention.
We stand and gossip about the cougars, gays and how I thought political people were supposed to be good looking, i.e. Elle Woods. We're enjoying the music and our drinks. Biz was pretty good, listened to the governor guy while C's roomie explained to me what a primary is because I have nooooo idea about politics, and then Will came and dj'ed for a bit. It was a pretty good time but my friend E wanted to meet up too!
So we go back to C's roomies place and E meets us there. Her and his roomie have something going on but nobody quite knows exactly what it is but I'm all for it! We go back and the three of us are the only ones there and continue to drink. So if I remember correctly I was told to go into C's room and go to bed while they went to 7-11 to get food. I do. they come back with cheez-its (wtf?) and a huge bottle of H2O (TG). They go upstairs so I head back to the couch, not touching the food or drink. Watch The LandBefore Time and pass the EFF out!
Before I know it I'm getting woken up. It's C! Yayyy He gives me a sweet little kiss on the cheek and I turn around (still half-asleep and very much intoxicated) and say:
K: Hiiiii
C: Hey, come one let's go to bed.
K: wait, where am I?
C: (LOLs) Come with me
So we go to bed. We start to make out and do our thing but he keeps making fun of me! He says it's cute but I don't believe him. So he pulls me into him and we go to sleep.
Wake up the next morning, I didn't have work TG but he had to go in late afternoon. We sleep wrapped in one another, kiss here and there and laugh about the previous night.While we're cuddling he states he wants to have a sober sex date. I agree. But this is going to be weird!! He's probably going to come to my place which will be the first timesince MT that another boy has been in my apartment let a lone my bed. Although, one of the nights of MT's visit in January he did spend on the floor. Sigh.
C was cute. That's why I'm confused. A boy who has an on-again off-again girlfriend, smokes pot all day and works for the family business is not allowed to be cute. He's not allowed to make me feel good about myself! If he doesn't have any major commitments in his daily life he sure as hell will not want any! Must not like him, must not like him.
EEK!
We stand and gossip about the cougars, gays and how I thought political people were supposed to be good looking, i.e. Elle Woods. We're enjoying the music and our drinks. Biz was pretty good, listened to the governor guy while C's roomie explained to me what a primary is because I have nooooo idea about politics, and then Will came and dj'ed for a bit. It was a pretty good time but my friend E wanted to meet up too!
So we go back to C's roomies place and E meets us there. Her and his roomie have something going on but nobody quite knows exactly what it is but I'm all for it! We go back and the three of us are the only ones there and continue to drink. So if I remember correctly I was told to go into C's room and go to bed while they went to 7-11 to get food. I do. they come back with cheez-its (wtf?) and a huge bottle of H2O (TG). They go upstairs so I head back to the couch, not touching the food or drink. Watch The LandBefore Time and pass the EFF out!
Before I know it I'm getting woken up. It's C! Yayyy He gives me a sweet little kiss on the cheek and I turn around (still half-asleep and very much intoxicated) and say:
K: Hiiiii
C: Hey, come one let's go to bed.
K: wait, where am I?
C: (LOLs) Come with me
So we go to bed. We start to make out and do our thing but he keeps making fun of me! He says it's cute but I don't believe him. So he pulls me into him and we go to sleep.
Wake up the next morning, I didn't have work TG but he had to go in late afternoon. We sleep wrapped in one another, kiss here and there and laugh about the previous night.While we're cuddling he states he wants to have a sober sex date. I agree. But this is going to be weird!! He's probably going to come to my place which will be the first timesince MT that another boy has been in my apartment let a lone my bed. Although, one of the nights of MT's visit in January he did spend on the floor. Sigh.
C was cute. That's why I'm confused. A boy who has an on-again off-again girlfriend, smokes pot all day and works for the family business is not allowed to be cute. He's not allowed to make me feel good about myself! If he doesn't have any major commitments in his daily life he sure as hell will not want any! Must not like him, must not like him.
EEK!
Something's Gotta Give
This Sucks.
Okay I know M gets very annoyed when I think like this but THIS SUCKS! I hate liking people. Absoultely despise it! I lack any control and hiding of my feelings when this happens! Shit why did I let myself get into this?! Okay I'm not in love or anything (TG!) but seriously I don't like when you're at work and you think of that certain someone or when you're actually laying in your own bed trying to fall asleep and that little teenie thought of that certain someone of the opposite sex creeps into your mind.
Thought creeping, thought creeping, "STOP K! Turn over and go to sleep. Power of now. Echart Tolle. You are in bed right now,you must fall asleep right now. Roll over! Think of sleep. Count to 10. Breathe in 1, breathe out 2, breathe in 3, *yawn* start again. Breathe in 1, breathe out 2, breathe in 3, breathe out 4" then the thought creeps back out and I fall asleep.
Honestly, that's too much energy right there. If I don't have enough energy to fall asleep at night how am I going to handle the energy of liking somebody who I know is emotionally unavailable. SB says my emotionally unavailable theory is bullshit and that I AM the one who is emotionally unavailable.
But how can that be?
I know what I'm feeling and I just choose how I want to show it, with that said, even IF I want to show it. SB shouldn't say these things to me, now I'm confused that I like someone but even more confused as to who exactly is EU (emotionally unavailable people not the Eurpoean Union) and how to deal. Something's gotta give, right?! I am so anti everything today. Anti-work, anti-drinking (surprise!), anti-boys, anti-social, anti-responsible and anti-energy!
Hopefully this won't last long.
Okay I know M gets very annoyed when I think like this but THIS SUCKS! I hate liking people. Absoultely despise it! I lack any control and hiding of my feelings when this happens! Shit why did I let myself get into this?! Okay I'm not in love or anything (TG!) but seriously I don't like when you're at work and you think of that certain someone or when you're actually laying in your own bed trying to fall asleep and that little teenie thought of that certain someone of the opposite sex creeps into your mind.
Thought creeping, thought creeping, "STOP K! Turn over and go to sleep. Power of now. Echart Tolle. You are in bed right now,you must fall asleep right now. Roll over! Think of sleep. Count to 10. Breathe in 1, breathe out 2, breathe in 3, *yawn* start again. Breathe in 1, breathe out 2, breathe in 3, breathe out 4" then the thought creeps back out and I fall asleep.
Honestly, that's too much energy right there. If I don't have enough energy to fall asleep at night how am I going to handle the energy of liking somebody who I know is emotionally unavailable. SB says my emotionally unavailable theory is bullshit and that I AM the one who is emotionally unavailable.
But how can that be?
I know what I'm feeling and I just choose how I want to show it, with that said, even IF I want to show it. SB shouldn't say these things to me, now I'm confused that I like someone but even more confused as to who exactly is EU (emotionally unavailable people not the Eurpoean Union) and how to deal. Something's gotta give, right?! I am so anti everything today. Anti-work, anti-drinking (surprise!), anti-boys, anti-social, anti-responsible and anti-energy!
Hopefully this won't last long.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
I Like Him, I Like Him Not. He Likes Me, He Likes Me Not..
..These are the thoughts running through my head today after yesterday.
Had lunch with SB yesterday. TG. You see he's a good friend of MT and now my "big bro". He moved to this area last June from NYC & that's basically when we met, at his going away party. We've been friends ever since.
MT and I had come down to the area last summer to visit him and A. When I moved here SB helped me adjust. He also has helped more than ANYONE can know with my still on-going process of getting over MT. That dreadful day (now 77 days later) it was SB I called the minute I hung up with MT. Now SB got re-located back to Jersey. Sad face. We talk on the phone just about every other day and BBM one another every day and tell each other mostly everything. So its sad he's gone but he still visits! Yayy
When I got back from lunch I was drunk. For some CRAZY reason we always get drunk off of only one Corona. I think its bc we're always happy to see one another again and laugh the entire time. I fill Big Bro in on my recent events. He calls me a minx and starts asking questions. Such as: Do you like C? What are you going to do if R likes you back? Are you going to continue to hook up with C? How would you just stop that? etc.
I try to answer each question honestly. C and I are strictly friends with benefits. If R likes me back I will hook up with C until it's clear if R and I could really possibly go somewhere. I would be up front and honest with C because we're already very straight forward and easy-going as it is. But wait, do I like C? I wanted to see him last night but he hasn't been on FB all day for me to get definite answer. arghhh
After some waiting on FB I take a nap, get ready and I pick up A, yes I was DD. I am a very good DD too, will only drink one drink and one round of beer pong if we're there for more than 2 hours. We go to our friends birthday party. Which was super fun! Lots of gays, lots of music and easy going crowd. Loved it. While we're there S BBMs me:
S: BTW
S: B & S just stopped by (B & S are roommates with R) S: Bc she had to drop something off for work, this place is one of her accounts. S: And he said R has been done with his ex gf for a long time
S: And that R likes u yayy!!
K: YAYYYYYYYYY
K: Omg!!!!!
K: Shutup!!
S always gets the gossip.
Can you believe it people?! Woohoo!! So R texted me later about us all meeting up but they were all being lazy and I did not want to go to his house after 11 pm cuz that SCREAMS booty call. So we're going to get food this week :-) So excited!!!
While talking with R, C's roommate texted me for my status and said they were going into the city and for A and I to meet up with them. He's always super fun to go out with and I was driving so yep we go to DC. A actually has me drop her off and I of course am the only girl out again with the boys. Tisk tisk. C doesn't go out so I wasn't expecting to see him until we got back to the house.
I find his roomie and we're all hanging out when all of a sudden, C appears!! My heart stops people. Right there. I smile but in my head I'm like, "Why did you just react to seeing him like that K?! It had to of been a slip, it was nothing. Right???" So he comes over and gives me a hug and kiss on the cheek and let me tell you people he looked goooooood! Sevens, Grey v-neck (I'm guessing from American Apparel) and a black hat. I was wearing a super short purple dress with these hot new camel colored gladiator sandals and my hair was actually super straight. He told me I looked sexy as hell. We were together most of the night and there was major PDA. I couldn't believe he was like that, I still don't. He gets wasted and I mean wassstteedddd. All of the boys probably took like 7/8 shots and never stopped drinking between. The bartender hooked them up but their tab was still over $300. Crazy boys gotta love 'em! Sigh
Thinking now I still get turned on about him. Dammit!! So we all leave, I bring them to their friends house to get their cars and they meet his roomie and I back at their place. We basically can't keep our hands off of one another until I leave this morning. Tried some new things last night that weren't actually too bad ;-) Looking forward to next time. He tortured me all morning by kissing me in those certain spots everyone has that makes their toes curl and all I wanted was to spend the day in his bed with him. We laughed all morning and talked about the previous night. He also told me he is sooo not into PDA but I was looking sexy as hell and he just couldn't control himself around me. Sigh again. In his half awake/half sleeping mode called me baby and pulled me back into him when I rolled away from his tight hug I had fallen asleep wrapped up in.
I Like Him? I Like Him Not? He Likes Me? He Likes Me Not?
Friday, May 8, 2009
The Universe Is Trying To Tell Me Something...
..But what is it trying to tell me?!?!
A and I go out last night. Our original plan is this: Go to her kickball league's event at McFaddens, then to R's for beer pong (he had previously invited me during the day, wahoo!) and I would fly solo to C's after.
Sounds like a good night right?! UNTIL THE UNIVERSE STEPS IN!!
So we go to McFaddens. The minute we get into the bar another typical booty lovin' type of guy buys A and I our first beers for the night. His friend is rude to A but I had already been dragged to the dance floor! I squeamlishyly (sp?) get out of dancing using the good ol' "I have to find my friend" excuse. We had left her with his RUDE ass friend and if I know anything I know to keep her away from those guys, espeically if they're from Boston like this one (lol).
I go back, SHE'S NOT THERE!! The guy I was with asks his friend where she went and he obviously did not care to even know. So I start walking around the 2 floors of the bar looking for her and can't find her anywhere! I BBM her and NO ANSWER! So I call and she picks up and the same music is playing through the phone that I'm hearing. Phew, she's still here.
I go downstairs to her and her friend from kickball and go into the kickball league's party room. CAN YOU SAY UBER-WHITE POST GRAD PREPPY DCers?!?! There are 5 tables of beer pong, 3 tables of flip cup and horrible dancing going on all over the place. When all of a sudden...
..I SEE HIM!
FB Boy who was 30 minutes to our date last night!!!!
FIRST OF ALL: I don't usually go to bars like this.
SECOND OF ALL: He's on the same kickball league as A (later we found out his team is her rival team).
THIRD OF ALL: "Quel tu fais?!" (What do you do?!)
FOURTH OF ALL: WHO DOES THIS HAPPEN TO?!?!
He does look super cute; in a t, baseball hat and good jeans. I on the other hand am dressed in a super mini see through dress layered on a skin tight black dress and my MaddenGirl (I know, embarassing) shoes that M just loves!
A and I go out last night. Our original plan is this: Go to her kickball league's event at McFaddens, then to R's for beer pong (he had previously invited me during the day, wahoo!) and I would fly solo to C's after.
Sounds like a good night right?! UNTIL THE UNIVERSE STEPS IN!!
So we go to McFaddens. The minute we get into the bar another typical booty lovin' type of guy buys A and I our first beers for the night. His friend is rude to A but I had already been dragged to the dance floor! I squeamlishyly (sp?) get out of dancing using the good ol' "I have to find my friend" excuse. We had left her with his RUDE ass friend and if I know anything I know to keep her away from those guys, espeically if they're from Boston like this one (lol).
I go back, SHE'S NOT THERE!! The guy I was with asks his friend where she went and he obviously did not care to even know. So I start walking around the 2 floors of the bar looking for her and can't find her anywhere! I BBM her and NO ANSWER! So I call and she picks up and the same music is playing through the phone that I'm hearing. Phew, she's still here.
I go downstairs to her and her friend from kickball and go into the kickball league's party room. CAN YOU SAY UBER-WHITE POST GRAD PREPPY DCers?!?! There are 5 tables of beer pong, 3 tables of flip cup and horrible dancing going on all over the place. When all of a sudden...
..I SEE HIM!
FB Boy who was 30 minutes to our date last night!!!!
FIRST OF ALL: I don't usually go to bars like this.
SECOND OF ALL: He's on the same kickball league as A (later we found out his team is her rival team).
THIRD OF ALL: "Quel tu fais?!" (What do you do?!)
FOURTH OF ALL: WHO DOES THIS HAPPEN TO?!?!
He does look super cute; in a t, baseball hat and good jeans. I on the other hand am dressed in a super mini see through dress layered on a skin tight black dress and my MaddenGirl (I know, embarassing) shoes that M just loves!
So I obviously do NOT approach him.
After about 20 minutes and 2 beers later I finally look over to where he's standing and we catch each other's glances. So he comes over and we're like wtf?! How does this happen?! He goes on to explain his reason for being late the previous night. I told him I was going to give him shit for it all night but never again.
We talked all night and never left one another's sides which was a really great feeling. Here I am with this guy who I didn't think anything was going to happen with and we're TOTALLY hitting it off. Like tres compatible!! And when A tells you somebody is hot, they basically are. She's told me otherwise about previous males in my life.
B (that's his name!! yayyy B) basically fell in love with me last night :-) We kissed. Actually we made out and he's a super good kisser. We made plans to meet over the weekend again!
It's time for A and I to leave. Our original plan was to go to R's for beer pong, remember?
When we're getting ready to leave I text R to see if they're still partying at his house. He doesn't reply?! WTF. I call him after 5 minutes assuming his phone is in his pocket and he didn't feel it vibrate or hear it ring, right?! No answer. Insert sad face here.
We leave anyway, drive B home. I make out some more and when I get back to the car A has LOCKED ME OUT OF IT!! Bitch. JK.
K: LET ME IN!!
A: (gives dirty look and unlocks the door)
K: Wtf?! A: That was excessive.
I laugh it off and we agree it was excessive. Oh well. It may be meant to be!!
Still haven't heard from R so we go home.
The MINUTE I am putting my key into the door I get a phone call from R. WTF?!
K: Hello? R: Hey! We're here at my place, what are you up to? K: I just got home and can't drive. R: oooohhhhh. I couldn't find my phone and realized it was probably in my shorts that I took off before and there it was, sorry. K: It's okay no worries, have a good night. R: okay K. One day K, one day.
One day my asss!!!!
Let's see how tonight goes people.
xoxo
Thursday, May 7, 2009
crash. Boom. POW!
I did NOT get enough good luck energy vibes tonight people! Where do I start.
It was 8:30ish and I was getting ready for my date at 9. I decided to call M because she had not responded to me after she read my blog for the first time. So I automatically knew she was concerned, stressed, confused, worried et al. about something if not everything which I had written. That something mostly being her prescence NOT being next to me. For the first time she is READING about my life. I'm not sitting in her studio with her telling this, she's READING it. That makes me sad, I wish she was here. She is my life-long best friend and sister. She knows everything but now that we're so far from one another it's hard to realllllly know what's going on in one another's lives. She is now reading about the sex, alcohol, drugs and missed connections with my mother and she is not seeing it. I know her feelings becauseI had not heard from her all day and assumed she was pre-occupied with her own confusion on how to approach me with it all. I know you M, don't I?! So I call:
M: HI!
K: hey! What's up yo
M: Omg I'm at this charity event with KM with all of his friends, you know L, etc. It's on 7th ave (I think she said 7th ave) and I'm in a black dress! I can tell in her voice there's more.
K: OMG! That's aweso-
M: Wait! K! I want to talk to you, I really do but I'm here ya know. No I want to talk to you.
K: -meee Okayyyy what's up?!
M: I want to talk to you, I do, I want to talk to you. Let me go somewhere quiet. I want to talk to you. Call you right back I'm going outside. (She's tipsy too).
So I continue getting ready as I wait for her return phone call.
M: HI!
K: Heyyy. So what's up?
M: Okay I want to tell you how I feel...I want to talk to you...I just..I want to tell you something..
K: Just say it!
M: I'm worried about you. Are you okay?
K: Yea! Of course I am. I'm not doing anything more than I did when I was living in NYC with you.
M: okay well I..I..It's about your blog. The alcohol, the drugs are you sure you're okay?
K: M, I've never been happier. Nothing is extreme. Everything is normal. I'm just writing it all down now.
M: Okay. But I"m worried. I told KM to read it and
K: M, I know you're worried and I am drinking more often on a daily not but not more than 3/4 drinks unless it's cinco de mayo, or we're out. After everything going on with my mom I have been looking foward to drinking more. But my friends down here are my friends like you. They would not let me be excessive or hurt myself in any way.
K: Did you tell KM to read it after you said, "Read K's blog I'm worried about her?"
M: yea (lols)
K: okay well??
M: he said nothing was really you until he read 73 days
K: I know that's why I made the sidenote
M: I know and I don't like the part about R! I liked his pictures and think he could be good for you.
K: I know M but I don't know
M: I didn't like when you said since you liked him he wasn't going to like you back
K: But thats how I feel
M: I don't want you to put that out there (meaning out to the Universe. I previously thanked the Universe for me seeing R at CVS didn't I?!)
K: That's why I put the please stay continued because you never know what's going to happen and things can change!
M: You're okay?
K: I'm okay.
M: Okay. I love you
K: I love you too.
M: Call you tomorrow.
K: Talk to you tomorrow, I love you.
See all. It's hard to put yourself out there. It's hard to show people what you're REALLY about and what makes you you. However, I hope you're lucky enough as I am the people in your life will call you out on how you are MORE than what you say. They will always be supportive of your actions but bring reminders to your mind, body and soul that there is always more. We don't know everything about ourselves. We don't know what it's like to see US from the OUTSIDE as our friends or even readers (for me now, readers) do.
NEXT!
So I leave after that for my date. My mind is a bit pre-occupied now and I know I'm not going to really "sell myself" to this guy but whatevs. If I want a future boyfriend he should know all of me right?!
I'm driving to the date when I get an email on my crackberry. It's from KK in Indonesia. KK is my mentor, "big sister" and friend from my previous job in NYC who I don't know how but absorbed all of the courage of the world to move across the world for her fiance! Here is our communication:
KK: Thurs, May 7, 2009 8:51 PM (my time): ok..read your blog...I have questions. Where did you get this idea? Where is this posted? and how do I follow? Questions about you.....Why did your mom cut you off? What's going on with the job? your hating it already? What is this writing job you were speaking of? a new career?
K: Re: Fri, 8 May 2009 7:55 AM (her time): Just go to http://wwwseminarygirl.blogspot.com/ daily to follow. On a date now. Will answer your questions tonightwhen I get home. Xo
KK: Thurs, May 7, 2009 9:00 PM (my time): ok...love ya!!!
NEXT!
I arrive at my date destination. This guy is another no number, we had met in January and I realllly don't like giving out my number. I already don't answer enough phone calls and my voicemail box is ALWAYS full. I don't need another contact there. So we chat on FB and AIM. On AIM we decided we would meet at LT at 9.
I get there EXACTLY at 9! Woohoo! First time ever I am on time for a date. I have a good vibe after all of my too recent mental exercises. I go to the bar and spend my last $ for a glass of house Pinot Grigio. At the time this was strategic. You see, I didn't know if he was going to be the type to go dutch on a drink (which I would not go on a second date) or if he would buy them all. So I buy my first, so he buys his first and then when it's time for a re-fill he'll offer to buy both. I wouldn't be able to buy a second but we don't want to let him know that do we?!
Buy my drink, the guy at the bar starts hitting on me and I politely tell him I'm meeting somebody. So I turn and scope the bar I don't see the date ANYWHERE! So I stand by the column at the entrance so that when he does enter he'll see me and we'll be happily ever after. I drink and wait. Drink and wait some more. After exactly 4 minutes I BBM A back and forth about the deal. She advises to not wait more than 15 minutes. If I do and he still doesn't show I have to leave. I can pick up wine and go to her place to sulk and bitch. Little does she know I already have stuff on my mind to vent about and no money to buy a bottle of vino!! So I BBM with her until 9:30. HE STILL HAS NOT SHOWN AS OF 9 FREAKIN' 30!!! What is the Universe trying to tell me?! Should I not have started this blog? Should I not have REALLY let people in? Should I not be drinking right now? Am I really not ready to meet a boyfriend?! HELP!
So I leave. Meanwhile I have a missed call and a text from my mother:
MOM: I am so dissapointed in all of you that you all couldn t get over your stuff that you could not be there for someonelse.
I also have a missed call from my brother and my sister now.
OY! Gefilte-a-fish! I don't WANT to deal with this right now.
So I call my brother, we're the closest. He says he needs to call me back.
So I call my sister. I'm sitting in my car outside of the bar and we have a bitch-fest about my mother who is the most narcissistic idiotic person you can ever meet sometimes. There is good in her but it's been a long time that we've seen it. So god forbid she ever did read this I would feel bad but it's the truth and my sister knows it too. We are confiding in one another when she drops a bomb on me about her current fiance? may be ex-fiance? boyfriend's ex-wife just called her and played psycho games on her head for the past hour and half. Poor thing is frustrated, sad, mad and annoyed with it all so I stay on the phone to talk it all out. We also talk about what to do with my mother right now. Also telling her the REAL reason why my mother and I are not currently on speaking terms.
It was 8:30ish and I was getting ready for my date at 9. I decided to call M because she had not responded to me after she read my blog for the first time. So I automatically knew she was concerned, stressed, confused, worried et al. about something if not everything which I had written. That something mostly being her prescence NOT being next to me. For the first time she is READING about my life. I'm not sitting in her studio with her telling this, she's READING it. That makes me sad, I wish she was here. She is my life-long best friend and sister. She knows everything but now that we're so far from one another it's hard to realllllly know what's going on in one another's lives. She is now reading about the sex, alcohol, drugs and missed connections with my mother and she is not seeing it. I know her feelings becauseI had not heard from her all day and assumed she was pre-occupied with her own confusion on how to approach me with it all. I know you M, don't I?! So I call:
M: HI!
K: hey! What's up yo
M: Omg I'm at this charity event with KM with all of his friends, you know L, etc. It's on 7th ave (I think she said 7th ave) and I'm in a black dress! I can tell in her voice there's more.
K: OMG! That's aweso-
M: Wait! K! I want to talk to you, I really do but I'm here ya know. No I want to talk to you.
K: -meee Okayyyy what's up?!
M: I want to talk to you, I do, I want to talk to you. Let me go somewhere quiet. I want to talk to you. Call you right back I'm going outside. (She's tipsy too).
So I continue getting ready as I wait for her return phone call.
M: HI!
K: Heyyy. So what's up?
M: Okay I want to tell you how I feel...I want to talk to you...I just..I want to tell you something..
K: Just say it!
M: I'm worried about you. Are you okay?
K: Yea! Of course I am. I'm not doing anything more than I did when I was living in NYC with you.
M: okay well I..I..It's about your blog. The alcohol, the drugs are you sure you're okay?
K: M, I've never been happier. Nothing is extreme. Everything is normal. I'm just writing it all down now.
M: Okay. But I"m worried. I told KM to read it and
K: M, I know you're worried and I am drinking more often on a daily not but not more than 3/4 drinks unless it's cinco de mayo, or we're out. After everything going on with my mom I have been looking foward to drinking more. But my friends down here are my friends like you. They would not let me be excessive or hurt myself in any way.
K: Did you tell KM to read it after you said, "Read K's blog I'm worried about her?"
M: yea (lols)
K: okay well??
M: he said nothing was really you until he read 73 days
K: I know that's why I made the sidenote
M: I know and I don't like the part about R! I liked his pictures and think he could be good for you.
K: I know M but I don't know
M: I didn't like when you said since you liked him he wasn't going to like you back
K: But thats how I feel
M: I don't want you to put that out there (meaning out to the Universe. I previously thanked the Universe for me seeing R at CVS didn't I?!)
K: That's why I put the please stay continued because you never know what's going to happen and things can change!
M: You're okay?
K: I'm okay.
M: Okay. I love you
K: I love you too.
M: Call you tomorrow.
K: Talk to you tomorrow, I love you.
See all. It's hard to put yourself out there. It's hard to show people what you're REALLY about and what makes you you. However, I hope you're lucky enough as I am the people in your life will call you out on how you are MORE than what you say. They will always be supportive of your actions but bring reminders to your mind, body and soul that there is always more. We don't know everything about ourselves. We don't know what it's like to see US from the OUTSIDE as our friends or even readers (for me now, readers) do.
NEXT!
So I leave after that for my date. My mind is a bit pre-occupied now and I know I'm not going to really "sell myself" to this guy but whatevs. If I want a future boyfriend he should know all of me right?!
I'm driving to the date when I get an email on my crackberry. It's from KK in Indonesia. KK is my mentor, "big sister" and friend from my previous job in NYC who I don't know how but absorbed all of the courage of the world to move across the world for her fiance! Here is our communication:
KK: Thurs, May 7, 2009 8:51 PM (my time): ok..read your blog...I have questions. Where did you get this idea? Where is this posted? and how do I follow? Questions about you.....Why did your mom cut you off? What's going on with the job? your hating it already? What is this writing job you were speaking of? a new career?
K: Re: Fri, 8 May 2009 7:55 AM (her time): Just go to http://wwwseminarygirl.blogspot.com/ daily to follow. On a date now. Will answer your questions tonightwhen I get home. Xo
KK: Thurs, May 7, 2009 9:00 PM (my time): ok...love ya!!!
NEXT!
I arrive at my date destination. This guy is another no number, we had met in January and I realllly don't like giving out my number. I already don't answer enough phone calls and my voicemail box is ALWAYS full. I don't need another contact there. So we chat on FB and AIM. On AIM we decided we would meet at LT at 9.
I get there EXACTLY at 9! Woohoo! First time ever I am on time for a date. I have a good vibe after all of my too recent mental exercises. I go to the bar and spend my last $ for a glass of house Pinot Grigio. At the time this was strategic. You see, I didn't know if he was going to be the type to go dutch on a drink (which I would not go on a second date) or if he would buy them all. So I buy my first, so he buys his first and then when it's time for a re-fill he'll offer to buy both. I wouldn't be able to buy a second but we don't want to let him know that do we?!
Buy my drink, the guy at the bar starts hitting on me and I politely tell him I'm meeting somebody. So I turn and scope the bar I don't see the date ANYWHERE! So I stand by the column at the entrance so that when he does enter he'll see me and we'll be happily ever after. I drink and wait. Drink and wait some more. After exactly 4 minutes I BBM A back and forth about the deal. She advises to not wait more than 15 minutes. If I do and he still doesn't show I have to leave. I can pick up wine and go to her place to sulk and bitch. Little does she know I already have stuff on my mind to vent about and no money to buy a bottle of vino!! So I BBM with her until 9:30. HE STILL HAS NOT SHOWN AS OF 9 FREAKIN' 30!!! What is the Universe trying to tell me?! Should I not have started this blog? Should I not have REALLY let people in? Should I not be drinking right now? Am I really not ready to meet a boyfriend?! HELP!
So I leave. Meanwhile I have a missed call and a text from my mother:
MOM: I am so dissapointed in all of you that you all couldn t get over your stuff that you could not be there for someonelse.
I also have a missed call from my brother and my sister now.
OY! Gefilte-a-fish! I don't WANT to deal with this right now.
So I call my brother, we're the closest. He says he needs to call me back.
So I call my sister. I'm sitting in my car outside of the bar and we have a bitch-fest about my mother who is the most narcissistic idiotic person you can ever meet sometimes. There is good in her but it's been a long time that we've seen it. So god forbid she ever did read this I would feel bad but it's the truth and my sister knows it too. We are confiding in one another when she drops a bomb on me about her current fiance? may be ex-fiance? boyfriend's ex-wife just called her and played psycho games on her head for the past hour and half. Poor thing is frustrated, sad, mad and annoyed with it all so I stay on the phone to talk it all out. We also talk about what to do with my mother right now. Also telling her the REAL reason why my mother and I are not currently on speaking terms.
Can you say draining?! DRAINING!
My brother beeps in twice. I have to push ignore because I really can't deal with him right now and I'd rather be there for my sister.
I love my brother and sister. However, we're all VERY different and we're ALL going through our own things right now.
I finally leave my parking spot and while driving to As place I call my brother. We talk quickly about the current situation and who should be there for who. Then he asks me why my mom and I aren't getting along. I'm honest with him. He is concerned. very concerned for both parts and worried about my relationship with my mother. So we talk for a long time and I cry. I haven't cried to him in a while so I'm uncomfortable and still don't believe he really is hearing where I'm coming from or even trying that much to understand me and who I am now, who I have developed into. That makes me sad enough. So I finally tell him I'm at As and need to go.
Call A and she comes to the door. I hide my cried out face and she doesn't notice until we're in the hallway. She hugs me. When we get into her apt she asks to get me H2O but I tell her I want alcohol. She gives me Miller Lite and listens while I cry and dish about who I spoke with tonight, what they said, what I said and how I felt.
We ALSO decide to FB message the douchebag who stood me up!!
K: May 7, 2009 10:25 PM: Hey..so I was there from 9-9:30 and didn't see you?! I'm on my BlackBerry & this was the only way I knew to get in touch. What's your deal?
His response: May 7, 2009 10:39 PM: Hey I am really sorry I was there at 9:30 took me forever to get there. I went in and looked around stood outside for awhile. I must have missed you. If you get this I am on aim or call --- --- ----. Again K I'm sorry.
WHATEVER! NEXT!
A said all the right things at all of the right times tonight because she's my bestie. I play techie and fix her internet for her. Win-Win.
Now I wanna go to Cs and feel like I'm loved :-/ We learned that lesson. I have a trunk show to host at 8 am'ers anyway. Gooodnight.
CRASH! BOOM! POW! Y'all.
xoxo
MuahHaHa
C gave me crap today for not staying over. Tried to give a sad face via FB chat. Ha! I win!
Date tonight with some guy I met back in January but never hung out. He likes to drink just as much as I do. Wish me luck!
Date tonight with some guy I met back in January but never hung out. He likes to drink just as much as I do. Wish me luck!
Sometimes Love Knocks You Down
So last night go over to C's house with my other friend E. You see he lives with a good friend of mine from college and we went over to hang, drink and watch the hockey game. Damn Caps lost in OT!! Booo. Anyways, that's basically how C and I hang out. I'm either over there hanging out with his roommate or just getting back to their house from being out in the city with his roommate OR through FB chat. So I get over there and he comes to the door gives my ass a grab (how could he not?! I was wearing my favorite American Apparel spandex leggings, lo0se bright tie-dye shirt, and knee high Cole Haan Scarletta boots...SEXY!!) and a long quiet kiss so his roommate and E don't hear in the next room over. Scandalous I love it!!
His roomie asks me if I'm drunk already haha "Yes I was drinking with a friend and smoked a bowl before coming over!" They all laugh at me and I grab a beer.Love it. I come back down and we're all sitting but C is putting on his Burberry scarf! Where is he going?!Says he's going to get his one friend that's always at the house. He leaves (sad face) so the remaining 3 drink and catch up. Turns out the boys' mutual friend from out of town was in for the week and they were all hanging out at another frind's house. Boooo I'm not waiting around for his ass to get back.
The three of us continue on enjoying one another's company for the rest of the night. Lots of laughter and gossip. I really love my friends down here, they'rethe best. It's midnight, E and I are tired so we bounce. Goodnight C. Too bad you won't be seeing me in your bed when you get back.
**Sidenote: A says I need to include my feelings (reminiscent of Seventy-Three Days) in these posts. However, that's just the problem. There's no point to feel things for others when you're not 110% committed to one another. There's no point for me to go through having feelings for boys. Can't for C because it began strictly as a sexual relationship. Can't for R because I do like him, therefore, nothing is going to come out of us. That's just my luck and the way it has always been. MT emptied out I'd say 80% of my heart. All the efforts towards love were given to him. I'm takig the time now to love MYSELF and MY friends to fill that 80% back up for the next person. Not ready yet to feel things for another guy. Please stay continued though because you never know when that's going to happen.
Cinco de Mayo
I'm off today and boy do I need it. However, We're hosting a trunk show this week and the wholesale prices were incorrect and I HAVE to go into the store by 10 the latest. Oy, So I stayed home last night to get adequate rest. Although C and I were up till 2 facebook chatting. And you know what he asked me to do?? Come over and watch WALL-E! I swear my life, only me. It's ridiculous really. I turned down the offer, still embarrassed by the no shame show up on Friday night. So we make plans to see each other sometime today.
So I go into work and come home to shower and get ready for my day. You see mama dukes just cut me off from all credit cards (now i have ZERO) without even telling me and I currently have $120 till May 15th after paying rent. TG. SO I have to make an emergency visit to the Consignment shop, New to You; Casual to Chic Consignment. This is depressing. I'm selling a Burberry tank, a MaxStudio tank, A&F awesome ripped jeans, Michael Kors shoes, Michael Kors bag, Walter skirt. Tear. Naturally I get a pounding headache while driving towards the store and on my brother's last visit he took all of my vikes. Damn it.
I stop off at the CVS in Falls Church (aka a Middle ground where nobody realllly has a destination) to get Dasani and Advil. I pick it up and am walking towards the register when I stop dead in my tracks. AHHHHH THE UNIVERSE LOVESSSSSSSS ME!!! It's R! Right there, right in front of my awesome outfitted face! Short creme/gold skirt, tight black t (with my awesome new push up), studded black belt, 4.5 inch Black oxfords and lime green cardie. TG.
K: R?
R: (turns around and is just as shocked as I) Hey!!!
K: hey what's up? what are you getting here?
R: Ah lotion, I got sunburned at Gold Cup.
K: Aww
R: yeah, where do you work?
K: Oh I work over in Tysons but have a meeting in 10 minutes next door.
R: Oh that's cool, I work right across the street at ______
K: Of course a rockstar would work there. (he's so cute)
R: yeah
K: yeah
R: So did you make it to work on time yesterday?
K: haha barely! Your ass wore me out.
R: haha yeah I slept all day
K: lucky, i left work at 3:30 and slept till 7
R: yeah
K: what are you doing tonight for cinco de mayo?
R: I dunno, didn't really plan on going out.
K: okay well we're going to be in Georgetown if your plans change
R: okay I'll give you a call later
K: okay byeeee have a good day
R: you too, nice to see you
Can I die?! Can I die?! I can't believe it still.
So I go to consign and they only take 3 things!! Bitches!!
I leave, go home and take a nap when I hear my FB chat go off. It's C. Phew! I need some lovin now!
C: Hi there.
K: hiii
C: so I think I may get out of here early. have to do a favor for the roomie. what are you up to
So I go into work and come home to shower and get ready for my day. You see mama dukes just cut me off from all credit cards (now i have ZERO) without even telling me and I currently have $120 till May 15th after paying rent. TG. SO I have to make an emergency visit to the Consignment shop, New to You; Casual to Chic Consignment. This is depressing. I'm selling a Burberry tank, a MaxStudio tank, A&F awesome ripped jeans, Michael Kors shoes, Michael Kors bag, Walter skirt. Tear. Naturally I get a pounding headache while driving towards the store and on my brother's last visit he took all of my vikes. Damn it.
I stop off at the CVS in Falls Church (aka a Middle ground where nobody realllly has a destination) to get Dasani and Advil. I pick it up and am walking towards the register when I stop dead in my tracks. AHHHHH THE UNIVERSE LOVESSSSSSSS ME!!! It's R! Right there, right in front of my awesome outfitted face! Short creme/gold skirt, tight black t (with my awesome new push up), studded black belt, 4.5 inch Black oxfords and lime green cardie. TG.
K: R?
R: (turns around and is just as shocked as I) Hey!!!
K: hey what's up? what are you getting here?
R: Ah lotion, I got sunburned at Gold Cup.
K: Aww
R: yeah, where do you work?
K: Oh I work over in Tysons but have a meeting in 10 minutes next door.
R: Oh that's cool, I work right across the street at ______
K: Of course a rockstar would work there. (he's so cute)
R: yeah
K: yeah
R: So did you make it to work on time yesterday?
K: haha barely! Your ass wore me out.
R: haha yeah I slept all day
K: lucky, i left work at 3:30 and slept till 7
R: yeah
K: what are you doing tonight for cinco de mayo?
R: I dunno, didn't really plan on going out.
K: okay well we're going to be in Georgetown if your plans change
R: okay I'll give you a call later
K: okay byeeee have a good day
R: you too, nice to see you
Can I die?! Can I die?! I can't believe it still.
So I go to consign and they only take 3 things!! Bitches!!
I leave, go home and take a nap when I hear my FB chat go off. It's C. Phew! I need some lovin now!
C: Hi there.
K: hiii
C: so I think I may get out of here early. have to do a favor for the roomie. what are you up to
K: Oh nothing really, just napping.
C: lucky
K: yeaup
C: alright well do you want to come over? or I can come to your place?
K: I'll come to you.
C: you know I was thinking, you don't have my number but you know where I live and I have your number (yes I know I said we didn't exchange. He got mine from his roommate and I told him NEVER to use it) but don't know where you live.
K: A tragedy. works for me!
C: So 3:30 sound good?
K: See ya then!
So I go over at 3:45 and play around till 5:45. amazing. he is just amazing.
Head over to A's place to go out for Cinco de Mayo. She gives me crap for looking like I had just been having sex and that I'm whining about being tired and exhausted. we eat burger king drink diet coke and head out for the night!
Typical non cute guy finds us and buys our drinks all night and talk to us about life night.
4 beers, 3 stoli raz & gingers, 2 shots tequila and 2 shots soco lime and i'm done!
Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone!
xoxo
C: lucky
K: yeaup
C: alright well do you want to come over? or I can come to your place?
K: I'll come to you.
C: you know I was thinking, you don't have my number but you know where I live and I have your number (yes I know I said we didn't exchange. He got mine from his roommate and I told him NEVER to use it) but don't know where you live.
K: A tragedy. works for me!
C: So 3:30 sound good?
K: See ya then!
So I go over at 3:45 and play around till 5:45. amazing. he is just amazing.
Head over to A's place to go out for Cinco de Mayo. She gives me crap for looking like I had just been having sex and that I'm whining about being tired and exhausted. we eat burger king drink diet coke and head out for the night!
Typical non cute guy finds us and buys our drinks all night and talk to us about life night.
4 beers, 3 stoli raz & gingers, 2 shots tequila and 2 shots soco lime and i'm done!
Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone!
xoxo
BackTrack to Shenanigans
Friday Night:
Went to A's at 6ish. Forgot to put underwear on, luckily I had an extra pair in the car lol. Stood in her street putting it on.
A: Are you putting your underwear on outside my apt. building right now?!
K: Of course, hey! at least I'm putting them on.
A: (Laughs out loud) Yeah considering you're wearing my dress.
K: Looks good doesn't it?! Now where are your shoes I wanna wear?!
We look hot, have to if you're going to be networking at some chi-chi rooftop of Old Town. We pick up S and head out! Walk in do a once over and greet the host who gets us vino stat. Love her. A knows everyone (of course) so S and I go out to the rooftop to scope out the scene and drinkie drink. After about 5 glasses later, a fight between the 3 of us and networking my ass off (with mucho help from S and A of course) to do consulting for the Washington Home & Garden Mag (keep your fingers crossed!!) we leave. Not even going to say what we attempted next, too embarrassing. basically we were SHUNNED!! Excccuuseeee meeee?! 3 hotties from the North you're going to turn away?!That's tacky and uncool. Just jealous of the Yankees status. Whatevs!
NEXT! go see the crush play. He does look mighty yummers up there on the "stage" not really a stage per say but a platform perhaps?! 3 of us go the bathroom right away. Come out and get some RBVs and run into J. He is obviously flirting with us and we are obvi way too into our drinks to care. we chat and he's funny when A turns to me:
A: There's no effing vodka in this drink!? Let me try yours. (Same)
K: Ew! Tacky! Tell that bartender to put more in!!
J: You girls are nuts.
A: Bartender! Excuse me! There's not enough in here can you put more?!
Bartender fills our drinks and we're off to find the closest seat possible to the band. S knows everybody here so I let her lead the way.Perfect! She pulls through as usual with a table RIGHT NEXT TO the platform. Eye candy and eye contact, what's better!? Oh yeah sex. Maybe later.
So I flirt right in front so everyone can see, especially R.
Plan WORKS! Well almost. He finishes the set and comes off the stage. Is walking towards me and then bam! starts talking to some other person RIGHT in front of me!! tacky. So i give a little tug on his back jean pocket, no label jean pocket that is. Sad face, I do love a guy in Sevens or some Trues. Oh well he drives a Land Rover it's okay. Anyways, I give a little tug and he instantly grabs my hand and rubs my thumb twice, just to let me know HE knew i was there. Perfect.
He makes a girl wait though let me tell you. Does a round around the bar counter-clockwise! HELLLOOO I am standing clockwise to you. arghh!
He comes over and we chat and we're flirting and all of a sudden verbal diarrhea I go, "Umm why haven't you asked for my number yet, I know you want to." Ha! that works too!! He gets the digies, goes back on stage, woops, platform and A and I peace out.
We get back to her place and I hop in my car and go to C's house. Perfect night. Get to drink for free, flirt with the crush and a nightcap at C's.
Saturday:
"What?! Where Am I?! shit!!" I look to my left and see C, look to my right I see my belt, look at the door I see my dress (A's dress. I promised her I will get it dry cleaned) and look towards the nightstand and there are my shoes (well A's shoes)! Ohhh nooo I just showed up here last night or rather this morning! You see C and I have not exchanged phone numbers ever. It works best that way. No drama, no worrying if I should text/or why hasn't he texted me?!?! Try it ladies it works. Until You just show up at 3 am ohhh godddd...He sees I've woken and pulls my naked body into his boxer clothed one. I always end up being the one completely naked. Damn. I cuddle for a second and then:
K: Oh shit! what time is it?!
C: It's Saturday it doesn't matter.
K; It's not Saturday, it's Gold Cup Day!! They're picking me up at 9:30!!
C: It's like 8:45
Shit! Shit! Shit! I have to get home now!! You can't go to The Plains looking strung out and rocker chic. My favorite look but still this is Virginia Country Republican Lilly Wearing Mercedes/Range driving day!
I get in my car and speed home and swear if I got pulled over I would get a DUI for sure. No LiLo here people. I get home strip my clothes off as I sprint to my bathroom throw my hair into a ponytail and rinse off the sex. That is if we even had it I was ridiculously wasted last night and can't remember.Thank god I had already picked out in my head what I was going to wear. A strapless navy polka-dot on white dress seemed good. Hair is wavy, Cole Haan patent leather flats because I will not be able to walk in heels all day in the grass and my Ray-Ban aviators. I'll fit in but still stand out..Perfect.
Get the wine together and E is outside in her Lexus waiting with her two friends who BTW look just as perfect as she does. I freak for a second but hop in the car and proclaim, "Hi guys! Nice to meet you, I just got home half an hour ago am still drunk but I brought wine!" Throw the wine in the air to show them and they automatically love me.
We stop for breakfast and the grocery store for 8 bottles of Andre and mixers. I like the way this day is starting out! We commence our hour long ride out to the Virginian country. Along the way we gossip, dish and drink. Four of the bottles are down by the time we get there. Perfect.
Typical horse race day. Everyone's beautiful and preppy and happy. We make new friends run into old when all of a sudden I remember! I think R said he was going to be here today!! yesssss..We now have one another's numbers so I text.
K: Hey! Did I imagine that you told me last night you were going to Gold Cup today?!
R: Yea I'm here!
K: Awesome so are we, we're finishing up our Dre and going over to Members Hill.
R: That's where we are, 50 yards to the Left of the Announcers.
K: Cya!
So we go to Members Hill and go say hello to the pretty horses first. then I get the girls to go 50 yards to the left of the announcers. And I see him. Woohoo! He gives me a hug hello and I don't remember a thing we talked about that whole day. I do remember him kissing me on my forehead and holding my hand. the girls had left me there in my heaven and I was fake and got to know his friends even more. J was there (RBV comment boy) so I got to say at least I knew someone.
The girls find me and say we have to go to the Capital tent. Nooooo i think to myself and R agrees. He tries to convince the 3 beauties we should stay and drink with them. he fails. So I leave my crush and go towards the Cap tent. We stop at the bathrooms for some PP and we're all picked up and ready to go for the next half of our day. I don't remember much after that. Just more mimosas and PP and the drive home. I asked E to drive me home, they were all going out in the city to Josephine's but I had not slept in days really.
I pass out when I get home and wake to a text from R at 11:30.
R: Hey how was your Gold Cup?
K: it was great, got to see you :)
R: Yeah it was a good time, what are you doing tomorrow?
K: No plans over here.
R: We're playing now for the Gold Cup after party.
What?! Did he ignore my "no plans over here?!" He had to be drunk but seriuosly WTF?! you don't ask a girl that question. And not answer it. I may have found my game-playing match. Damn! So I go back to sleep.
Sunday:
Sunday was mostly the Seventy-Three realization day. But I did have a great dinner at S's with her and her boyfriend. They are the PERFECT couple. I die when i think about them. I wish they would clone him for all of us ladies. I'm still quite hungover from all of the alcohol and drugs of the weekend so I don't stay long.
I go home and watch Rachel Getting Married. SO DEPRESSING! I cried, please don't watch. The minute the credits come on I get a phone call. Whose calling me on a Sunday night at 11?! R!!!! So I squeal "EEEE!!" out loud in my apartment alone and pick up:
K: Hellllooooo
R: Hey Kate what's up! It's J.
K: (I say Ughh out loud and roll my eyes) Oh, Hey whats up?
J: What are you doing?! It's SUnday FUnday!
K: Yes it is, I just finished a movie.
J: What?! Where? With who?
K: Oh just left S's. (Lie but I can't look like a loser!!)
J: Wait I cant hear I'm putting you on speaker.
K: What? NO! I don't WANNA be on speaker!!
J plus 6 others: It's Sunday Funday get over here for some beer pong
K: Ohhh I don't knowww (then I hear R in the background whining I wouldn't be coming over!!) but you know I can't turn down alcohol!! I'll be there in a bit
So I put my Aubergine Hunters, tight jeans, white on whites with not-so-perfect wavy hair and go over!
R comes to the door gives me a kiss on the cheek hello and it's 5th grade awkward. Lovesss it!!! We have a personal 2 second convo and go upstairs.
I get introduced to everyone, they're his roommates who I have met before at a party at their house but I go along with it, Hi, Nice to meet you and repeat.
R pays extra attention to me to make me feel comfortable. Which I don't but I pretend I do. Typical beer pong in a house night. So I go downstairs to use the ladies and when i come out R is right there!
K: Hii
R: Hey
and BAM! HE KISSES ME!!! My crush actually kisses me, this never happens! Woohoo this is the best Sunday Funday ever. So we walk into his room and make out some more.
R: You having a good time?
K: Yea espeically now.
R: that's good.
K: :)
R: You should stay here tonight.
NEWS FLASH!! first time coming over, first kiss but NOT first sex!! NONONO why did he goooo there?!?!?
K: Oh you think so? I don't think so. I need to go home.
R: You've had more than 3 beers you're not allowed to drive home. I won't let you.
K: So you want me to stay the night? Why weren't you the one who called me from your phone earlier? I was quite upset hearing J's voice and not yours.
R: Honestly, I was nervous.
K: You were nervous to call me? But not nervous to ask me to stay the night? Hmm
R: (shrugs) You really shouldn't drive though.
K: Okay but if I stay here we are NOT doing ANYTHING other than kissing.
R: Maybe a little something else?
K: absolutely not
R: K, let's go back upstairs.
We go back up sit on the couch join in the convo we were absent for when he turns to me:
R: Wanna go to bed?
K: Yeah
We go to bed and put in WAIT FOR IT, WAIT FOR IT...
...WALL-E!!!!
Oh noooooo this is the number one way to get in K's pants. Wall-Fucking-E!! The best love story ever made. I just open right up.
But I didn't on Sunday it was 4 in the morning by then I kissed him, made out a little and rolled over and went to bed.
Woke up next morning just in time to make it to work.
That my friends is a weekend of Shenanigans.
xoxo
Went to A's at 6ish. Forgot to put underwear on, luckily I had an extra pair in the car lol. Stood in her street putting it on.
A: Are you putting your underwear on outside my apt. building right now?!
K: Of course, hey! at least I'm putting them on.
A: (Laughs out loud) Yeah considering you're wearing my dress.
K: Looks good doesn't it?! Now where are your shoes I wanna wear?!
We look hot, have to if you're going to be networking at some chi-chi rooftop of Old Town. We pick up S and head out! Walk in do a once over and greet the host who gets us vino stat. Love her. A knows everyone (of course) so S and I go out to the rooftop to scope out the scene and drinkie drink. After about 5 glasses later, a fight between the 3 of us and networking my ass off (with mucho help from S and A of course) to do consulting for the Washington Home & Garden Mag (keep your fingers crossed!!) we leave. Not even going to say what we attempted next, too embarrassing. basically we were SHUNNED!! Excccuuseeee meeee?! 3 hotties from the North you're going to turn away?!That's tacky and uncool. Just jealous of the Yankees status. Whatevs!
NEXT! go see the crush play. He does look mighty yummers up there on the "stage" not really a stage per say but a platform perhaps?! 3 of us go the bathroom right away. Come out and get some RBVs and run into J. He is obviously flirting with us and we are obvi way too into our drinks to care. we chat and he's funny when A turns to me:
A: There's no effing vodka in this drink!? Let me try yours. (Same)
K: Ew! Tacky! Tell that bartender to put more in!!
J: You girls are nuts.
A: Bartender! Excuse me! There's not enough in here can you put more?!
Bartender fills our drinks and we're off to find the closest seat possible to the band. S knows everybody here so I let her lead the way.Perfect! She pulls through as usual with a table RIGHT NEXT TO the platform. Eye candy and eye contact, what's better!? Oh yeah sex. Maybe later.
So I flirt right in front so everyone can see, especially R.
Plan WORKS! Well almost. He finishes the set and comes off the stage. Is walking towards me and then bam! starts talking to some other person RIGHT in front of me!! tacky. So i give a little tug on his back jean pocket, no label jean pocket that is. Sad face, I do love a guy in Sevens or some Trues. Oh well he drives a Land Rover it's okay. Anyways, I give a little tug and he instantly grabs my hand and rubs my thumb twice, just to let me know HE knew i was there. Perfect.
He makes a girl wait though let me tell you. Does a round around the bar counter-clockwise! HELLLOOO I am standing clockwise to you. arghh!
He comes over and we chat and we're flirting and all of a sudden verbal diarrhea I go, "Umm why haven't you asked for my number yet, I know you want to." Ha! that works too!! He gets the digies, goes back on stage, woops, platform and A and I peace out.
We get back to her place and I hop in my car and go to C's house. Perfect night. Get to drink for free, flirt with the crush and a nightcap at C's.
Saturday:
"What?! Where Am I?! shit!!" I look to my left and see C, look to my right I see my belt, look at the door I see my dress (A's dress. I promised her I will get it dry cleaned) and look towards the nightstand and there are my shoes (well A's shoes)! Ohhh nooo I just showed up here last night or rather this morning! You see C and I have not exchanged phone numbers ever. It works best that way. No drama, no worrying if I should text/or why hasn't he texted me?!?! Try it ladies it works. Until You just show up at 3 am ohhh godddd...He sees I've woken and pulls my naked body into his boxer clothed one. I always end up being the one completely naked. Damn. I cuddle for a second and then:
K: Oh shit! what time is it?!
C: It's Saturday it doesn't matter.
K; It's not Saturday, it's Gold Cup Day!! They're picking me up at 9:30!!
C: It's like 8:45
Shit! Shit! Shit! I have to get home now!! You can't go to The Plains looking strung out and rocker chic. My favorite look but still this is Virginia Country Republican Lilly Wearing Mercedes/Range driving day!
I get in my car and speed home and swear if I got pulled over I would get a DUI for sure. No LiLo here people. I get home strip my clothes off as I sprint to my bathroom throw my hair into a ponytail and rinse off the sex. That is if we even had it I was ridiculously wasted last night and can't remember.Thank god I had already picked out in my head what I was going to wear. A strapless navy polka-dot on white dress seemed good. Hair is wavy, Cole Haan patent leather flats because I will not be able to walk in heels all day in the grass and my Ray-Ban aviators. I'll fit in but still stand out..Perfect.
Get the wine together and E is outside in her Lexus waiting with her two friends who BTW look just as perfect as she does. I freak for a second but hop in the car and proclaim, "Hi guys! Nice to meet you, I just got home half an hour ago am still drunk but I brought wine!" Throw the wine in the air to show them and they automatically love me.
We stop for breakfast and the grocery store for 8 bottles of Andre and mixers. I like the way this day is starting out! We commence our hour long ride out to the Virginian country. Along the way we gossip, dish and drink. Four of the bottles are down by the time we get there. Perfect.
Typical horse race day. Everyone's beautiful and preppy and happy. We make new friends run into old when all of a sudden I remember! I think R said he was going to be here today!! yesssss..We now have one another's numbers so I text.
K: Hey! Did I imagine that you told me last night you were going to Gold Cup today?!
R: Yea I'm here!
K: Awesome so are we, we're finishing up our Dre and going over to Members Hill.
R: That's where we are, 50 yards to the Left of the Announcers.
K: Cya!
So we go to Members Hill and go say hello to the pretty horses first. then I get the girls to go 50 yards to the left of the announcers. And I see him. Woohoo! He gives me a hug hello and I don't remember a thing we talked about that whole day. I do remember him kissing me on my forehead and holding my hand. the girls had left me there in my heaven and I was fake and got to know his friends even more. J was there (RBV comment boy) so I got to say at least I knew someone.
The girls find me and say we have to go to the Capital tent. Nooooo i think to myself and R agrees. He tries to convince the 3 beauties we should stay and drink with them. he fails. So I leave my crush and go towards the Cap tent. We stop at the bathrooms for some PP and we're all picked up and ready to go for the next half of our day. I don't remember much after that. Just more mimosas and PP and the drive home. I asked E to drive me home, they were all going out in the city to Josephine's but I had not slept in days really.
I pass out when I get home and wake to a text from R at 11:30.
R: Hey how was your Gold Cup?
K: it was great, got to see you :)
R: Yeah it was a good time, what are you doing tomorrow?
K: No plans over here.
R: We're playing now for the Gold Cup after party.
What?! Did he ignore my "no plans over here?!" He had to be drunk but seriuosly WTF?! you don't ask a girl that question. And not answer it. I may have found my game-playing match. Damn! So I go back to sleep.
Sunday:
Sunday was mostly the Seventy-Three realization day. But I did have a great dinner at S's with her and her boyfriend. They are the PERFECT couple. I die when i think about them. I wish they would clone him for all of us ladies. I'm still quite hungover from all of the alcohol and drugs of the weekend so I don't stay long.
I go home and watch Rachel Getting Married. SO DEPRESSING! I cried, please don't watch. The minute the credits come on I get a phone call. Whose calling me on a Sunday night at 11?! R!!!! So I squeal "EEEE!!" out loud in my apartment alone and pick up:
K: Hellllooooo
R: Hey Kate what's up! It's J.
K: (I say Ughh out loud and roll my eyes) Oh, Hey whats up?
J: What are you doing?! It's SUnday FUnday!
K: Yes it is, I just finished a movie.
J: What?! Where? With who?
K: Oh just left S's. (Lie but I can't look like a loser!!)
J: Wait I cant hear I'm putting you on speaker.
K: What? NO! I don't WANNA be on speaker!!
J plus 6 others: It's Sunday Funday get over here for some beer pong
K: Ohhh I don't knowww (then I hear R in the background whining I wouldn't be coming over!!) but you know I can't turn down alcohol!! I'll be there in a bit
So I put my Aubergine Hunters, tight jeans, white on whites with not-so-perfect wavy hair and go over!
R comes to the door gives me a kiss on the cheek hello and it's 5th grade awkward. Lovesss it!!! We have a personal 2 second convo and go upstairs.
I get introduced to everyone, they're his roommates who I have met before at a party at their house but I go along with it, Hi, Nice to meet you and repeat.
R pays extra attention to me to make me feel comfortable. Which I don't but I pretend I do. Typical beer pong in a house night. So I go downstairs to use the ladies and when i come out R is right there!
K: Hii
R: Hey
and BAM! HE KISSES ME!!! My crush actually kisses me, this never happens! Woohoo this is the best Sunday Funday ever. So we walk into his room and make out some more.
R: You having a good time?
K: Yea espeically now.
R: that's good.
K: :)
R: You should stay here tonight.
NEWS FLASH!! first time coming over, first kiss but NOT first sex!! NONONO why did he goooo there?!?!?
K: Oh you think so? I don't think so. I need to go home.
R: You've had more than 3 beers you're not allowed to drive home. I won't let you.
K: So you want me to stay the night? Why weren't you the one who called me from your phone earlier? I was quite upset hearing J's voice and not yours.
R: Honestly, I was nervous.
K: You were nervous to call me? But not nervous to ask me to stay the night? Hmm
R: (shrugs) You really shouldn't drive though.
K: Okay but if I stay here we are NOT doing ANYTHING other than kissing.
R: Maybe a little something else?
K: absolutely not
R: K, let's go back upstairs.
We go back up sit on the couch join in the convo we were absent for when he turns to me:
R: Wanna go to bed?
K: Yeah
We go to bed and put in WAIT FOR IT, WAIT FOR IT...
...WALL-E!!!!
Oh noooooo this is the number one way to get in K's pants. Wall-Fucking-E!! The best love story ever made. I just open right up.
But I didn't on Sunday it was 4 in the morning by then I kissed him, made out a little and rolled over and went to bed.
Woke up next morning just in time to make it to work.
That my friends is a weekend of Shenanigans.
xoxo
Seventy-Three Days
Of course my official first blog is going to be about him. The dreaded ex. The love of my life who left me high and effing dry on the highs of love. We'll call him MT. Ha! that actually works doesn't it?! He is pretty empty if you ask me. Empty in the heart and the conscience departments. Ass.
Anyways. This past Sunday I was reflecting on my weekend of shenanigans!! I mean shenanigans!! Event Friday night in Old Town with free booze and appies with the girls to a hole in the wall bar in Arlington to see the best local band which coincidentally consists of my crush, R. then to my hook-up in Arlington, C. Onto The Plains/Gold Cup the next day where R. was again :-) TG.
I'm reflecting by sitting in my love seat (in my favorite Aubergine Hunter boots, tight jeans tucked in, whites layered on whites for tops and perfectly waved hair) reading Love Letters of Great Men and drinking Pinot Grigio. When ALL OF A SUDDEN!I REALIZE!!! I effing REALIZE!!
It's been Seventy days, it's been seventy days! I instantly grab for my inhaler cuz I'm about to have a panic attack.
Seventy days! OMFG how did this happen?! Did this really happen!? Look at my crackberry calendar and literally count the days. yes it's been seventy days since I spoke my last words to MT. The last words said standing in Fort Lee in the rain in front of my car after he told me he didn't want to see me back at his house when he got home from work after all. So I left. Left the house and cried hysterically over the GW bridge to see M in the UWS. She makes everything better. She asks me what happened, she plays devil's advocate and I want to yell and kick and scream that I didn't care. She goes on and on to calm me down and I do. we go back to her studio and drink wine and smoke pot to feel better. When he calls.
MT: what are you doing?
K: What do you mean what am i doing?! You shouldn't care YOU'RE THE one who doesn't want to see me! After almost a year of us you don't want to see me. After I've moved 237 miles away you don't want to see me?!
MT: Babe, com'mon I was having a bad day already, you caught me at a bad time. Just come here.
K: Ugh I can't believe you, I'm at M's. Maybe I'll come over. I'll BBM you.
What do I do? Go there. Have great sex. In my head I knew it was going to be goodbye sex but I didn't want it to be. It was.
Wake up early the following Sunday. We go get bagels together before he has to go to work. We return back to his house. I stand at my car. He kisses me. I turn my head away, tears and black XXX MAC mascara running down my cheeks.
MT: Woah nevermind then. You're crying?! Really K? Just stop babe. Kiss me I have to go to work.
K: (after a blank look and roll of the eye) Good-bye.
That's it. It's been Seventy-Three days now.
Anyways. This past Sunday I was reflecting on my weekend of shenanigans!! I mean shenanigans!! Event Friday night in Old Town with free booze and appies with the girls to a hole in the wall bar in Arlington to see the best local band which coincidentally consists of my crush, R. then to my hook-up in Arlington, C. Onto The Plains/Gold Cup the next day where R. was again :-) TG.
I'm reflecting by sitting in my love seat (in my favorite Aubergine Hunter boots, tight jeans tucked in, whites layered on whites for tops and perfectly waved hair) reading Love Letters of Great Men and drinking Pinot Grigio. When ALL OF A SUDDEN!I REALIZE!!! I effing REALIZE!!
It's been Seventy days, it's been seventy days! I instantly grab for my inhaler cuz I'm about to have a panic attack.
Seventy days! OMFG how did this happen?! Did this really happen!? Look at my crackberry calendar and literally count the days. yes it's been seventy days since I spoke my last words to MT. The last words said standing in Fort Lee in the rain in front of my car after he told me he didn't want to see me back at his house when he got home from work after all. So I left. Left the house and cried hysterically over the GW bridge to see M in the UWS. She makes everything better. She asks me what happened, she plays devil's advocate and I want to yell and kick and scream that I didn't care. She goes on and on to calm me down and I do. we go back to her studio and drink wine and smoke pot to feel better. When he calls.
MT: what are you doing?
K: What do you mean what am i doing?! You shouldn't care YOU'RE THE one who doesn't want to see me! After almost a year of us you don't want to see me. After I've moved 237 miles away you don't want to see me?!
MT: Babe, com'mon I was having a bad day already, you caught me at a bad time. Just come here.
K: Ugh I can't believe you, I'm at M's. Maybe I'll come over. I'll BBM you.
What do I do? Go there. Have great sex. In my head I knew it was going to be goodbye sex but I didn't want it to be. It was.
Wake up early the following Sunday. We go get bagels together before he has to go to work. We return back to his house. I stand at my car. He kisses me. I turn my head away, tears and black XXX MAC mascara running down my cheeks.
MT: Woah nevermind then. You're crying?! Really K? Just stop babe. Kiss me I have to go to work.
K: (after a blank look and roll of the eye) Good-bye.
That's it. It's been Seventy-Three days now.
First Post.
sem-i-nary
n. p. sem-i-nar-ies
A place or environment in which something originates and from which it is propagated.
prop-a-gate
v. prop·a·gat·ed, prop·a·gat·ing, prop·a·gates v.tr.
To make widely known; publicize: propagate a rumor.
Hey all this is K and I am Seminary Girl who as a recent NYC transplant to the Wash DC/Metro Area have decided to tell my present and recent past stories. There is always plenty going on in my life and I would love to take the chance to open other people's minds and hearts to their surroundings. I made my surroundings better even through some super difficult stuff and hope that everyone else knows they can do it too.
This is my diary. I love telling stories and it seems I always have one going on in my life. I left NYC for more reasons than scoring what seemed to be an awesome job at the time in DC. I left family (TG), the love of my life, adventures and my life-long best friend.
n. p. sem-i-nar-ies
A place or environment in which something originates and from which it is propagated.
prop-a-gate
v. prop·a·gat·ed, prop·a·gat·ing, prop·a·gates v.tr.
To make widely known; publicize: propagate a rumor.
Hey all this is K and I am Seminary Girl who as a recent NYC transplant to the Wash DC/Metro Area have decided to tell my present and recent past stories. There is always plenty going on in my life and I would love to take the chance to open other people's minds and hearts to their surroundings. I made my surroundings better even through some super difficult stuff and hope that everyone else knows they can do it too.
This is my diary. I love telling stories and it seems I always have one going on in my life. I left NYC for more reasons than scoring what seemed to be an awesome job at the time in DC. I left family (TG), the love of my life, adventures and my life-long best friend.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
