Breathe and Stop.

I have to figure out why. Why I am still thinking of MT. Why I am still relating him to current days. I have counted the days for so long but if you asked me right now how many days it's been I couldn't tell you. I think that's a great first step. Of course in a minute/two I'm going to whip out the Crackberry and count the days from my 73 days post but still. I don't know it as I did on that post day.

Why do some people have such a large impact in our lives? Has he on me all because of love? I'm scared to death of love. That's why I was surprised I even let him. It was something about him. The walls came crashing down as if a bulldozer just kept hitting and hitting till there was no more walls left. But now. The walls aren't exactly up again but they aren't exactly non-existent anymore. I don't like to think I have any walls. I don't want to have them. But the minute I think of those emotions of falling love and even lust my heart beats super fast, my mind races and I just tell myself to stop.

I have to stop telling myself to stop.

Inhale. Exhale.

I'm getting all of these thoughts out now so that I can go back in reference and actually answer them. I want to know the answers. I want to have every answer to every question. Even if it's not the "correct" answer. IF it can help make sense of anything it will me make that next step down the path.

My mind is all over the place. Sorry.